You're completely useless in the revolution.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
