You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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