Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
