OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
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that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
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As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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