Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
