So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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