went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
im on a boat
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