All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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