Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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