Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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