I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
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My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
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I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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