glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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