He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
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conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
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Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
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