it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
