thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
