do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
