we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
