I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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