Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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