True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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