thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
