if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
