Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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