census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
