I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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