using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
