oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
