At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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