I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
