I've blown a few things in my day
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
