Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
