it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
