how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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