Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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