We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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