I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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