He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
