be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
vagina is talking i cant
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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