Princesses don't give blow jobs
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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