I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize