i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
