Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
