I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
