So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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