i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
