I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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