we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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