Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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