I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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