Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Randomize
