Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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