Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just high enough for therapy.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
