On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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