I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
