Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
