Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
