Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
