it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
