I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
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He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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