Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
