ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
