so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize