Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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