is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
