Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
