I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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