On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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