You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
