so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
