am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
