dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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