Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
