Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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